Sussan Ley's Australia Day History Remix
Oh, Sussan Ley, the gift that keeps on giving. In a speech delivered on Australia Day—arguably the most polarizing date on the calendar—she blessed us with her unique interpretation of history. Who else could liken the arrival of the British in 1788 to Elon Musk’s Mars missions? Bold. Innovative. Utterly bananas.
According to Ley, those 11 ships didn’t come with shackles or disease. No, they were like astronauts, bravely stepping onto a “new experiment and a new society.” You know, except for the minor detail that there were already people there—people with 65,000 years of culture, language, and connection to the land. But hey, don’t let historical accuracy get in the way of a good colonial fairytale, right?
It’s a fascinating approach: rebranding colonization as a sci-fi adventure. Next, are we going to hear that the frontier wars were just “spirited debates”? Or that the stolen generations were merely an “exchange program”?
Let’s not forget her real pièce de résistance—comparing the First Fleet to Musk’s SpaceX escapades. Yes, because nothing screams “progress” like the richest man on Earth burning taxpayers money on rockets while his factory workers allegedly struggle to unionize. The parallels are uncanny, truly.
But don’t worry, Ley didn’t stop at that tone-deaf analogy. She also managed to swipe at Indigenous Australians protesting Invasion Day by calling them “fixated on projecting themselves as survivors.”
What a line. Imagine scolding people for being too focused on surviving the fallout of the same historical event you’re sugar-coating. Chef’s kiss, Sussan.
And then, of course, we have Peter Dutton—because no story about tone-deaf politics would be complete without him. Hot on the heels of Ley’s comments, Dutton announced a new shadow ministerial role inspired by none other than Musk.

Enter the “Department of Government Efficiency,” or DOGE, because nothing boosts public trust like naming your political platform after a meme cryptocurrency.
Apparently, Musk and Trump are the Coalition’s new patron saints. Forget addressing climate change, the housing crisis, or First Nations reconciliation—Dutton’s priorities are deregulation, less “woke nonsense,” and taking notes from a guy who wants to colonize space because Earth is too messy. Leadership goals, clearly.
Meanwhile, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese called for unity and decried the rise of political polarization. He lamented Dutton’s absence from the national citizenship ceremony, accusing him of always “looking for the wedge.”
A fair critique, but perhaps a tad optimistic—polarization isn’t just creeping into Australia; it’s showing up in a MAGA hat and a Tesla-branded spacesuit.
But here’s the thing, Sussan—history isn’t a sci-fi film where British “astronauts” land on a pristine, uninhabited planet.
The First Fleet didn’t arrive on a blank slate; they landed in a place that was already home to hundreds of nations with rich cultures, languages, and systems of governance.
The narrative that they came “in peace” conveniently glosses over the reality of what followed: displacement, disease, stolen land, and massacres.
And since we’re fact-checking your creative history lesson, Sussan, let’s take a moment to revisit some actual evidence.
According to meticulous research from historians and Indigenous groups, there were at least 250 massacres of Indigenous Australians during the colonial era, with over 6,000 Aboriginal people killed in Queensland alone. Yes, 6,000—just in one state.

For those who prefer to believe the “First Fleet didn’t destroy or pillage,” here’s a map documenting these massacres in chilling detail: Evidence of 250 Massacres of Indigenous Australians Mapped.
Each dot on that map represents lives lost, families torn apart, and cultures eroded. If that’s not “destruction,” what is?
And then there’s the bigger picture of systemic harm that continues to this day. From the Stolen Generations to disproportionately high rates of incarceration and poverty, the impacts of colonization are no distant memory—they’re lived experiences for Indigenous people right now.
But hey, why address those realities when you can just shrug them off as “loudspeakers and iPhones,” right?
So here’s a gentle reminder, Sussan, for those of us tethered to facts instead of fantasy: the arrival of the First Fleet wasn’t the start of a “new experiment.”
It was the beginning of a violent takeover—one that dispossessed the world’s oldest continuous culture. It’s an uncomfortable truth, but discomfort is necessary when healing wounds that span centuries.
For anyone reading this, facts don’t hide. They don’t disappear just because someone in a tailored suit says otherwise.
The truth is out there—mapped, documented, and remembered by those who refuse to let history be rewritten. Let’s keep holding onto that, even when politicians attempt to bury it under their next glossy soundbite.
Happy Australia Day. Or Invasion Day. Or whatever Musk’s algorithm tells us to call it next year.