Well, here we are again. The Democrats, a party that somehow controls half the government yet behaves like a stunned deer in the headlights, have once again found themselves utterly incapable of countering the orange-hued grifter currently steamrolling his way through American politics—again.

According to the New York Times, after more than 50 interviews with Democratic leaders (yes, it actually took 50 of them to come to this realization), the party has no coherent message, no clear priorities, and no strategy to deal with an openly fascist right-wing movement. In other words, they are exactly as lost, ineffectual, and out of touch as we all suspected.

Bumbling Joe vs. the Serial Liar

We just witnessed a so-called “leader of the free world” go toe to toe with a man whose relationship with reality is about as strong as his business acumen—which, considering he’s been found liable for fraud, is nonexistent. And yet, in this showdown, it was Biden who walked away looking weaker. Yes, Biden, the man who was supposed to be the calm, steady hand after four years of Trump’s circus act, has now been replaced by checks notes a deeply divided party arguing over… well, everything.

Then, in the grandest of grand political betrayals, Biden’s own party shoved him aside like an expired carton of milk and installed a Black woman who, depending on your perspective, is either self-assured or so drunk on her own self-importance she thinks she’s got this under control. And while everyone fights over how to frame Kamala Harris, one thing remains glaringly obvious: none of this actually matters, because the entire Democratic establishment is about as effective as a screen door on a submarine.

The Politicians Who Did Absolutely Nothing—And Applauded Themselves for It

For decades, America has been run by a self-congratulatory class of political barnacles, clinging to the system, growing fat off taxpayer money, and accomplishing absolutely nothing of value. These people—Republicans and Democrats alike—have presided over skyrocketing inequality, corporate corruption, endless wars, and the slow, grinding death of the American middle class. And what did they do about it?

They gave themselves awards. They had banquets. They patted each other on the back for “fighting the good fight.” And then, after decades of failure, they retired to cushy boardroom gigs or cable news contracts, leaving the country in absolute shambles.

Which brings us to the present.

Enter Trump: The Pied Piper of Idiots

As America lay broken and battered, in strolled Donald J. Trump, a man who understands exactly one thing: how to weaponize resentment. With the instincts of a conman and the rhetorical skill of an angry drunk at a dive bar, he played the population like a fiddle. He told them it wasn’t Wall Street, corporations, or systemic corruption bleeding them dry—it was immigrants, Black people, and diversity hiring. And the crowd loved it.

So now, here we are, facing yet another Trump campaign, and what are the Democrats doing? Having existential crises about their message.

The Democratic Party: Fighting for… Something? Maybe?

The New York Times article lays it out in painfully clear terms:

• Democrats have no unified vision.
• They have no clear policy priorities.
• They have no strategy to deal with Trump.
• They still somehow think “decency” will win elections.

Democrats have mastered one thing: making politics look like an endless faculty meeting, where everyone debates policy memos while the building burns down around them. Meanwhile, Trump and his goons are busy laying the groundwork to dismantle democracy itself—but sure, let’s have another roundtable discussion on messaging.

The Future: Buckle Up for More Stupidity

So, what happens next? Well, at this rate, Trump is going to waltz his way back into power while the Democrats continue to write 10-point plans about why they can’t seem to connect with voters. America is a train speeding toward a cliff, and the people in charge are still arguing over the seating chart.

But hey, at least they’ll all get another chance to congratulate each other at the next DNC gala.