James Comey Case Tossed

Well, who could’ve seen this coming? (Spoiler: literally everyone with a functioning frontal cortex.) Today, a federal judge flushed Donald Trump’s long-gestating revenge fantasy against James Comey down the legal toilet where it belonged — not because Comey was innocent (although, yes, he is), but because the prosecution itself was a clown show of unconstitutional proportions.

At the center of this mess? One Lindsey Halligan, a woman whose prosecutorial experience could be generously described as “imaginary.” Halligan, who once served as Trump’s personal lawyer (so, you know, bound by oath to truth and facts wink), was inserted into the role of interim U.S. Attorney like a MAGA-themed party favor — illegally, of course — and then promptly started filing indictments like it was open mic night at the Banana Republic Courthouse.

And just like that, the criminal cases against Comey — and New York Attorney General Letitia James, who had the audacity to investigate Trump’s finances with a microscope — were dismissed.

Without prejudice, though. Which technically means they could be refiled. But in Comey’s case, the statute of limitations has likely expired. Which means unless someone builds a time machine powered by grievance and delusion (looking at you, Mike Lindell), this dead horse won’t be flogged any further.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the magnitude of legal absurdity here. According to the Reuters report, Halligan took over after a career U.S. Attorney — you know, someone qualified — refused to bring charges. So naturally, she stepped in with the full weight of her zero courtroom experience and started throwing indictments like confetti at a pity party.

And what a party it was: improperly obtained evidence, warrantless digging, and possible violations of attorney-client privilege. It was less “due process” and more “QAnon Mad Libs.”

Comey’s defense team called the whole thing what it was: a petty, vindictive hit job orchestrated by Trump himself, who has spent years screeching from every available platform that Comey belongs in jail — mostly for the crime of investigating Trump instead of swearing fealty.

Legal experts, meanwhile, called the prosecution “chilling.” Not because it was scary, but because it was such a brazen abuse of power that it actually sent shivers down the spine of the Constitution.

Of course, this isn’t just about Comey. This is about the weaponization of the Justice Department to settle personal vendettas — something Trump accuses others of while gleefully doing it himself, like a toddler yelling “cheater” mid-card game while hiding four aces up his sleeve.

Appointing your own lawyer to prosecute your political enemies isn’t just a bad look. It’s a banana republic cosplay. And thankfully, the judge wasn’t playing along.

But don’t expect apologies from Trumpworld. In fact, brace yourself for the next round of howling from Truth Social and Fox & Friends — where this ruling will no doubt be painted as part of a Deep State conspiracy, rather than the totally predictable outcome of… checks notes… violating the actual law.